Matthew Kimberly: Get a Grip

Matthew Kimberly: Get A Grip

Creator: Matthew Kimberly, author of How to Get a Grip – No Bullshit self-help. Get a grip on yourself. Take responsibility. Do it.

Purpose: A guide for focussing on the important stuff.

Manifesto: Ten Things You Should Already Know By Now

1. What’s important today won’t matter tomorrow

Yeah, so you got a problem. Sleep on it, sunshine. Put it off. Most problems can be safely ignored. You’ll be amazed how often they sort themselves out. And the gravity of any given problem is inversely proportional to the hour of the day. At three in the morning,  you’ve got an insurmountable issue. After four whisky and cokes at nine in the evening, you haven’t even got an inkling of a problem.

2. Everybody else is furiously improvising, so you can too

Show me an expert and I’ll show you a charlatan. FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT, amigo. 21 year old lifestyle design guru? Hell yeah! Fat, unemployed life-coach? Why not? Homeopathy professional? Whatever, bring it on! Choose your path, and then Act As If You’re Wearing A Cape.

3. Nobody thinks about you as much as you think about you

Really. They don’t. For example, I’m not thinking about you now. But I bet you are.

4. It’s OK to piss people off

But if you’re pissing everybody off, all the time, it’s time to quit being a fucking asshole.

5. Aspiration is for suckers

6. Nobody tells all the truth, all the time

So lower your expectations of people. When put in a spot, people fib. We men lie about our alcohol consumption all the time. When we’re young and say we had six beers, we probably only had three. Nowadays, if we say we only had three beers, you can be sure it was closer to six. It doesn’t mean we don’t love you

7. Life doesn’t get better – only your perception of life improves

There was a little man with a lame left leg. He lived on the outskirts of town in a tumble-down house. He had a hole in his roof, and water would come in day and night. His lame left leg meant he couldn’t go out to work, so he survived on the charity of others, who would give him scraps of food. Sometimes he would go for two days and nights with nothing to eat.  One day, the town council decided to fix his roof. The little man with the lame left leg became the happiest person you have ever seen. He was so grateful to be dry that he would smile and sing for the passersby all day long.

8. Your family comes first, but not to the detriment of everything else

You want to go out with the girls? Tell your husband to make his own dinner. And gents, you don’t need permission for that once-a-year trip to Vegas, you just need to communicate it properly.

9. You’re wrong as often as you’re right

So don’t dwell on either.

10. Men should never wear wigs

 

Source

Article on How to Get A Grip

Got Funny: The 36 Rules of Life

36 Rules of Life

Creator: Got Funny on Leroy’s Jokes.com

Purpose: Rule 7: Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

Manifesto: The 36 Rules of Life

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

1 4. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.

27. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.

36. Your friends love you anyway.

 

Source

Got Funny page on LeroyJokes.com, published: Aug.18, 2008 in Random Jokes

 

 

Yvonne Collier: Manifesto For Life

Yvonne Collier: Manifesto For Life

Creator: Yvonne Collier of Maddison Training, is a people skills expert and international educator.

Purpose: Help people produce productive and profitable relationships at work and play.

Manifesto For Life

Life is a challenge … meet it

Life is a dream … realise it

Life is a game … play it

And Life is love … enjoy it.

 

Source

Yvonne Collier’s Website

 

 

Chris Guillebeau: The Art of Non-Conformity

Chris Guillebeau: The Art of Non-Conformity

Creator: Chris Guillebeau, Fighter of the Status Quo
Purpose: Live life on your terms whilst making a positive difference in the lives of others at the same time.

Manifesto

The Art of Non-Conformity

  1. Set Your Own Rules
  2. Live the Life You Want
  3. Change the World

Principles

  1. You must be open to new ideas
  2. You must be dissatisfied with the Status Quo
  3. You must be willing to Take Personal Responsbility
  4. You must be willing to Work hard

11 Ways to Be Unremarkably Average

  1. Accept what people tell you at face value.
  2. Don’t question authority.
  3. Go to college because you’re supposed to, not because you want to learn something.
  4. Go overseas once or twice in your life, to somewhere safe like England.
  5. Don’t try to learn another language, everyone else will eventually learn English.
  6. Think about starting your own business, but never do it.
  7. Think about writing a book, but never do it.
  8. Get the largest mortgage you qualify for and spend 30 years paying for it.
  9. Sit at a desk 40 hours a week for an average of 10 hours of productive work.
  10. Don’t stand out or draw attention to yourself.
  11. Jump through hoops. Check off boxes.

Sources

Website: http://chrisguillebeau.com/
Pdf Download: A Brief Guide to World Domination
Book: Chris Guillebeau, The Art of Non-Conformity, Perigee, New York, 2010, Page 9